Reaching for a Dream

In the heart of every boy and girl, God plants dreams. Dreams of what they can be, dreams of what they can do. Dreams that can come true when we follow His plan for our life. Dreams that can break when we don't. Dreams we recognize and set goals for right away and other dreams that we keep hidden deep inside because, well, because they are too scary to think about. They are just too big.

Sometimes dreams come true with very little effort. Other times we have to fight and work and sweat to make our dreams happen. I don't always understand why this is the way of it. But I do understand that God understands it. His ways are not my ways. His ways are sovereign. I think that sometimes God just loves us so much He delights in our delight. Much like a mama buying her child an ice cream cone "just because", He hands us some of our dreams "just because". And we eagerly take them. We have no problem accepting them. During the times that we have to fight for our dreams to come true, we can become frustrated with God, feeling like He is not on our side, or even worse, that He is against us and our dream. We don't perceive the struggle as part of the fulfillment of the dream. That is just the way of us humans I guess. We like instant gratification. We think all of life should be able to be wrapped up in a thirty minute sitcom experience, complete with a happily ever after ending.

I am at a change-point in my life. I have had wonderful dreams fulfilled in my life. I married a wonderful man and we have served together in ministry for many years. I have raised 4 beautiful, wildly successful daughters who give me pleasure every single day. I have spent every day of the last 28 years of my life helping them make their dreams come true. They are all off to a good start and I couldn't be more proud of them. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Every moment. Although there were many years when it seemed too far away to ever imagine, our last little chick is getting ready to leave us and the proverbial nest is going to find itself empty. And that leaves me with something I am not familiar with. Something I haven't had in a long, long time.

I have options.

Options people! I hardly know how to behave.

Here's the deal. I have almost always had to work outside the home. And I am currently working at a university that provides an excellent tuition remission program for my daughters. The third daughter is graduating from here in May - she will have a degree in elementary education. My fourth daughter will begin her first semester this fall. That means that in four years I will be able to leave this employment, that I have never really enjoyed been grateful for, and make some new choices. The wonderful thing is that these choices can be made on the basis of what I want, of what is best for me, to make my dreams come true. I am always going to have to help bring in an income in our home. And that doesn't bother me. This is where all the stuff about dreams come in.

Ever since I was in the 4th grade, I have had a dream to be an author. I want to write Christian fiction.

There. I said it. Whew!

I believe with all my heart that the time has come to begin to pursue this God-given dream. He is telling me so. His voice, that has always been a quiet whisper deep inside the private places of my heart regarding the matter of writing, has begun to reverberate to a building crescendo, telling me the time has come to begin chasing this incredible idea. So I am taking steps. Just small steps right now. But steps that are none the less leading me in the direction of fulfilling what I believe is a calling. Writing this post is a step. You have no idea how big it is to me to "voice" my dream. It somehow makes it all more real, more definite. It's more of a commitment to continue.

It also makes it more visible if I fail.

I know that pursuing this dream is going to be a journey unlike any other I have been on. There will be much work and sweat and tears to make this one come true. But I'm up for it.

At least today I am.