Thursday, March 27, 2008

Reaching for a Dream

In the heart of every boy and girl, God plants dreams. Dreams of what they can be, dreams of what they can do. Dreams that can come true when we follow His plan for our life. Dreams that can break when we don't. Dreams we recognize and set goals for right away and other dreams that we keep hidden deep inside because, well, because they are too scary to think about. They are just too big.

Sometimes dreams come true with very little effort. Other times we have to fight and work and sweat to make our dreams happen. I don't always understand why this is the way of it. But I do understand that God understands it. His ways are not my ways. His ways are sovereign. I think that sometimes God just loves us so much He delights in our delight. Much like a mama buying her child an ice cream cone "just because", He hands us some of our dreams "just because". And we eagerly take them. We have no problem accepting them. During the times that we have to fight for our dreams to come true, we can become frustrated with God, feeling like He is not on our side, or even worse, that He is against us and our dream. We don't perceive the struggle as part of the fulfillment of the dream. That is just the way of us humans I guess. We like instant gratification. We think all of life should be able to be wrapped up in a thirty minute sitcom experience, complete with a happily ever after ending.

I am at a change-point in my life. I have had wonderful dreams fulfilled in my life. I married a wonderful man and we have served together in ministry for many years. I have raised 4 beautiful, wildly successful daughters who give me pleasure every single day. I have spent every day of the last 28 years of my life helping them make their dreams come true. They are all off to a good start and I couldn't be more proud of them. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Every moment. Although there were many years when it seemed too far away to ever imagine, our last little chick is getting ready to leave us and the proverbial nest is going to find itself empty. And that leaves me with something I am not familiar with. Something I haven't had in a long, long time.

I have options.

Options people! I hardly know how to behave.

Here's the deal. I have almost always had to work outside the home. And I am currently working at a university that provides an excellent tuition remission program for my daughters. The third daughter is graduating from here in May - she will have a degree in elementary education. My fourth daughter will begin her first semester this fall. That means that in four years I will be able to leave this employment, that I have never really enjoyed been grateful for, and make some new choices. The wonderful thing is that these choices can be made on the basis of what I want, of what is best for me, to make my dreams come true. I am always going to have to help bring in an income in our home. And that doesn't bother me. This is where all the stuff about dreams come in.

Ever since I was in the 4th grade, I have had a dream to be an author. I want to write Christian fiction.

There. I said it. Whew!

I believe with all my heart that the time has come to begin to pursue this God-given dream. He is telling me so. His voice, that has always been a quiet whisper deep inside the private places of my heart regarding the matter of writing, has begun to reverberate to a building crescendo, telling me the time has come to begin chasing this incredible idea. So I am taking steps. Just small steps right now. But steps that are none the less leading me in the direction of fulfilling what I believe is a calling. Writing this post is a step. You have no idea how big it is to me to "voice" my dream. It somehow makes it all more real, more definite. It's more of a commitment to continue.

It also makes it more visible if I fail.

I know that pursuing this dream is going to be a journey unlike any other I have been on. There will be much work and sweat and tears to make this one come true. But I'm up for it.

At least today I am.


Becky said...

Robin, I am so proud of you! To voice this kind of thing is so very brave of you. And you are not alone. We all have dreams. Mine is the same as yours. Believe it or not!

When I was a high school junior the counselor met with each of us and asked us what we wanted to do. I told her I wanted to be a writer and she laughed at me. Out loud. I knew it was not because of my grades.

Looking back I do not really know why, but I know it was, up till then, the only time anyone ever told me that what I wanted was stupid. She told me that. She said, "That is stupid! Let's think of something else for you."

I have no idea what her name was but I know she changed my life. And I have harbored that deep yearning ever since.

I write for our church. But I'd love to do more. I just have no clue where to begin. I think I will just watch you and take notes.

I knew that was what it was. I knew it when I found out you were going to She Speaks. I just had a feeling.

I'll be praying for your dream to become a reality. I am so excited for you.

Anonymous said...

How fantastic. I'm praying for you too that the Lord will make your dreams a reality!

Can't wait to read your first book and Becky's...woohoo!xk

Karen said...

Robin, I so admire you! It takes courage to voice your dreams and I'm so honored that you would share with us. I know you would be an execellent writer. Your blog has such a wonderful voice that's all your own. I'm always eager to hear more. Can't wait to see your dream grow and comes to fruition.

Dawn said...

I knew it had something to do with writing. Just not fiction. I could never write fiction, and admire those who can.

I, too, have had the dream of writing, based on all of the seeminglyh negative experiences we've been through. But I knew I couldn't write the book until we were beyond the experiences far enough. I would love to attend the conference, but it is not economically feasible at this time!

I am glad you have a time line when you can quit that job you don't really enjoy to stay home and write and knit and crochet and and and. Remember you'll have who knows how many grandkids by then??!

Dawn said...

PS - on a subject not quite so dreamy! Let me know how the potty training goes with those 3 1/2 year old twins. Boys? Girls? One of each? Post pictures! Can't wait to hear about your week-end with them.

Lisa B. said...

Robin, I have known you for 38 years. My earliest memories of you are in a mothering role to your sisters and watching you read. I have always thought that you should write books. Pursue it! If you should fail in your first attempt, try again! Every effort will make the results a better one. I have read your blogs with your poetic descriptions and see a definite flair for writing! Good luck!

gail@more than a song said...

I'm so excited for you! I think lots of people have the same dream....I can't wait to read it someday too!