Thankful Thursday

I love the idea of setting aside a day a week on my blog to be thankful. Because the truth is we often let our days slip by without being intentionally thankful. Oh we think quick thoughts of thanks, but how many times do we take the time to actually express that attitude to God or even to others?
This morning I was walking around my flowerbeds, drinking my final cup of coffee before leaving for work and it occurred to me that I was just so thankful for the beauty of flowers. I am so glad that God loves beauty. He could have made everything black and white, or dull and boring, but He didn't! God loves beautiful things. And not only that, He shared his love of beauty with women. Most women love making things beautiful and having beautiful things and I believe that is a special gift from God. And it is a part of Him that He wove into our femininity. I think it is one of the ways women are most like Him. Like any other gift, it can become distorted. If beauty is our ultimate desire then it becomes something that God never intended it to be. But I also wonder if it is just as wrong to ignore, or take for granted the wonderful gift of beauty?
I thought it might be fun to share some of the beauty in my yard with you today:

I just love pansies - they are always so "happy"! I love the one that is lifting its face to the sunlight. It reminds me that I should always lift my face to the Son. Look at the one peeking out from the rocks. Maybe it is saying that even in the rough places of our lives beauty abounds.
And look at these beautiful Columbine. I think I look forward to these the most every summer. They are so delicate, but strong. And they come back year after year. It is good to be tough and resistant to the harshness of life. And it is good to remain beautiful year after year. I love the variegation in the shade of pink. It shows every shade imaginable in the same bloom. Even though we may experience different shades of emotions in our lives, oh that we may be like the Columbine and let it all combine into one beauty.


And this is my favorite flower of all:
Bleeding Hearts!
My grandmother always had Bleeding Hearts in her yard and I was so enthralled with them as a little girl. I determined that I would always have them too. I was so thrilled the other day when my daughter came home from San Diego and asked if I still had Bleeding Hearts. She said she couldn't imagine home without them! I hope my girls carry on the tradition. Bleeding Hearts make me remember that I need to be burdened for others, especially those who are in need. Our hearts should always be open and giving to those whom Jesus loves.
And look at this Peony - just bursting at it's seams - longing to be a part of this beautiful world.
Oh, that I would always be anticipating whatever it is that God has planned for me next!

Thank you for indulging me and going on a walk through my flowers. I hope that I have conveyed the thankfulness I feel in my heart towards our Creator.

If you would like to have a Thankful Thursday click here.

My New Favorite Place

I used to think that retired snowbirds were kind of a funny sort. I thought it was interesting that these folks would relocate every winter to a warmer climate. I don't think they are so funny anymore. Maybe it's because I am getting closer to their age, but I prefer to think it is because I am just becoming more understanding and compassionate and sensitive to all those around me;).
Anyway, I am becoming a person who loves warm weather. I love gardening and being outside on nice warm days. So this year my husband and I decided to make an "outdoor room" that we could enjoy. I am so pleased with it.
Here I am with my four daughters, two sons-in-law, and my mom on Mother's Day. We had such a great day together. My family is God's gift to me and I enjoy them so very much!

We eventually plan to add a "living room" area to the patio. We bought one of those patio fireplaces so we can enjoy some of the cooler weather too. My husband and I (mostly my husband) poured the cement and stamped and stained the border. We had a professional come in and do the cover. It's been done for a week now and we enjoy it more all the time!

Weigh In Day

Well. . . . this has been a rather up and down week. On Sunday morning I weighed and I was very excited - I was down 3 pounds! That is so good for me - I never lose that much in one week. But then Mother's Day on Sunday and a family birthday on Monday - I was sabotaged. On Mother's Day all my girls planned a wonderful meal of spare ribs, baked potatoes, and a fabulous chocolate cake. For our family birthday dinner last night we had a Mexican fiesta - complete with a Mexican flan cake lovingly prepared by my daughter. How can you not eat? So all this to say that when I weighed this morning, my 3 lb. loss changed to a 1/2 pound loss. But I am still encouraged because if I stick to my points this week (no holidays that I know of) I should lose that pesky 2 1/2 pounds again.
Other than the two special days, I did very well staying within my point range. And I hesitate to admit it out loud, but I did do a teensy bit of walking this week. But it's not a committment - I don't want you to think I am feeling obligated to walk everyday, it's not like that- okay? I am not saying I am a walker now - I am just saying that it was convenient to do a little bit of walking this last week. I didn't plan it - it just happened. Okay - are we straight on the exercise thing? I'm not exercising - I'm just dieting - for now. I'm just saying. Okay?
So my final loss for this first week is 1/2 pound. At least I didn't gain. Right?

I Won! and Two Book Reviews

Wow, I can't believe it - I actually won a book from Katrina's blog Callapidder Days. She has been doing the Spring Reading Thing and it has been so much fun. I won the book Bittersweet by Cathy Marie Hake. Whoo Hoo!!!

I have two more book reviews to share today for The Spring Reading Thing. The first one is:


The Yada Yada Prayer Group Gets Rolling by Neta Jackson
"Think of the possibilities. . ." are the words Jodi Baxter keeps hearing from the Lord. The Yada Yada books are phenomenal Christian literature and they just keep getting better and better. I am usually in tears by the end of each book and it's not because they are sad - they are so happy! I love the way Jodi Baxter talks to God and I really love the way God talks to Jodi Baxter. Neta Jackson takes black, white, asian, rich, poor, beautiful, not-so-beautiful, Christian, Jew, prisoner, poverty-stricken, old and young women who all share a hunger for Jesus and knits together a wonderful experience of love and Christian fellowship. I only know that by the end of each book I hunger to be closer to Jesus. And that's a good thing! I give this book:


My next review is for:


The Beach House by Sally John
This is a story about 4 women who were friends through high school and college and somehow their lives went in all separate directions and they lost contact with each other. Upon their 40th birthday year, one of the women is facing some deep issues in her life and suddenly longs for the friendships she once shared. On a whim she contacts the others and sets up a week long getaway for them to reconnect. They discover that they are all facing serious life issues and through their friendships with each other and re-learning to cast all their cares on Christ, they discover the peace that passes all understanding. This book was very enjoyable and to me was a combination between the Sisterchicks books and the Yada Yada books. It was fun getting to know the characters and learn to appreciate their different personalities. There is a sequel coming out and I will definitely read it too.
I give this book:
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I have started to notice an unbalance between my fiction and non-fiction list - I guess I know what I'll be reading this weekend!

Random Things

I have been tagged by Mom Tu-Tu to do the 8 Random Things meme. Here are the rules I found over at her place.

Here are the rules:
1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged write a blog post about their own 8 random things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog you need to tag 8 people and post their names.
4. Don't forget to leave them a comment and tell them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Eight Random Things About Me:

1) I LOVE LOVE LOVE Diet Dr. Pepper - it is the best ever.

2) I am absolutely terrified of snakes. Two summers ago I stumbled across a 4 1/2 foot snake all stretched out in my back yard and I have felt violated ever since. I just can't enjoy my yard like I used to - I am constantly on the look out for snakes. But weirdly enough, I can't stop myself from watching snake shows on Animal Planet and National Geographic - go figure! I probably need to see a therapist or something!

3) I don't like Sunday night church. A little strange I suppose since I am a pastor's wife and all - but maybe not so much. I am so involved in many church things and am involved in evening church activities AT LEAST two other week nights and Sunday night just seems like a nice evening to rest and relax and prepare for the upcoming week. I'm just saying.

4) I am a news addict. By the way, I just learned that the word news is an acronym for: north, east, west, and south. (How's that for random!)

5) I hate onions but I love onion rings.

6) I have never been the driver in a car accident.

7) Hawaii is my most favorite place to go ever. My husband and I went there on our 25th anniversary and it was the happiest time. I live for the day when we get to go back again. I hope it's soon!

8) I would love to own/operate a Bed and Breakfast someday. I doubt if it will ever happen but I'm collecting breakfast recipe's just in case!

I am tagging:
Lisa at jus' ramblin'
Bunny Trails
Sharon at Sit With Me Awhile
Betty at On the Journey to Victory
Marianne at M'sMnMs-Musings, Madness, and Chocolate (I love her header of M&M's)
Elizabeth at Inside Betty's Head
Annie and Flower Garden I love her header of roses!
and YOU!

Weight Loss

And so it begins. Today is the day I begin the May Day Weight Loss Challenge. I am trying to get excited about his - I really am. But I start thinking about how much weight I need to lose and how hard it will be and will I ever be able to try out that new chocolate cake recipe I just got? I have actually been doing a weight loss program on my own for about a month now and have lost 7 pounds, but I think the fun of doing this with others online sounds appealing and will help me to be accountable. So I will report my weight loss/gain every Tuesday for all of you read. And all of you, my dear readers, are to congratulate me or chastise me - which ever is appropriate! Some are posting their actual weight. You will have to forgive me, I am not up to doing that yet!

I am going to follow the Weight Watcher point program. I don't attend the meetings but I have all the books and slide guides from previous attempts, so I keep track of all my points in a little notebook. I find that writing down the things I eat helps me a lot. I never realize how much I have eaten if I don't chart it. It always amazes me how LITTLE we need to eat to keep us sustained. I also, intend to combine some of the South Beach principles, such as high fiber and low carbs into my point system. I have not made a commitment to exercise yet. I know I need to but I am not there yet. I just can't be forced into these things - I have to get there by myself!

As far as a weight loss goal, I haven't settled on a final number yet. Instead I am setting a goal of 30 pounds for now (not counting the 7 I have already lost). That will get me to a size that I will be more comfortable at and once I reach that, I will re-evaluate what I want to do. Somehow, it just seems more "do-able" if I make smaller goals. The road doesn't seem so endless, if you know what I mean.

I have attempted this so many times in my life. Once, I achieved my goal of losing 60 pounds and it was a very good time in my life. I hope to get there again.

I have come to realize that I am somewhat of a stress eater - I get stressed and I eat. But mostly I overeat just because I love good food. I love to cook and bake and I really enjoy the way food tastes. I don't have any deep underlying emotional issues I need to resolve and no matter how hard Oprah tries to convince me otherwise, it's just not so! I just love good food. And I just need to practice a little discipline. Okay, a lot of discipline - I need to keep this real don't I?

So pray for me and wish me success! I'm diving in!

Praying for Heather

It's so strange how I have never met this young lady, yet she has affected my life in such a huge way. I have been praying for her and I hope you are too. If you don't know her story click here to find out what an incredible woman of faith Heather is.

A Fun Contest

Check this out at 5 Minutes for Mom. They are giving away great prizes for Mother's Day. Now, I never win anything so I am no threat to anyone - I won't decrease your odds if you enter - but I think it's fun anyway.

Oh, I am excited about this. I am struggling to start a diet and this sounds like just what I need. There are reward buttons for each 5 lbs. you lose - isn't that great? It starts next week so if you have been thinking about losing 5 lbs or 50 pounds - the time is now!

Nature Can be Cruel

This was a tough weekend. I have raised Yorkshire Terriers for almost 10 years, and although I have heard about this type of situation, I have never experienced it until now. It was hard and horrible. Sometimes nature is very, very cruel. Let me explain (and I will leave out the graphic details):

My daughter Andrea has always loved animals and always assisted me in the breeding and birthing of our puppies. In fact, on a couple of occasions when I had to be away from home due to emergencies, she handled the whelpings single handedly and did a great job. So when she married Jayson, they carefully chose their pets with breeding in mind. They got two Chihuahua's, a male and a female and the time came to breed. The pregnancy in her little female chihuahua, Junie, progressed very normally. Last weekend she went in to labor and I was there to observe (I thought). However, right away I noticed that Junie was not acting like a typical mother. She seemed disinterested and more or less perturbed that this was all happening to her. The first puppy came breech and got stuck in the birth canal. I finally decided to pull it because I was afraid it was going to drown. The puppy was born not breathing and I truly thought she was dead. I spent several minutes working on it and finally it started "guppy breathing" - short, shallow breaths. I gave her to Junie to see if she would clean her and Junie bared her teeth at her. I was very startled. We took her back and I gently cleaned her up and she started breathing normally. I was so relieved. Puppy #2 was coming and he was born normally. Junie took a little more interest in this one and did a half-hearted job at cleaning him up. Puppy #3 presented breech and again I had to pull him. It was too late and we couldn't revive him. He was a beautiful little puppy and it was very hard for Andrea but she was thankful for the two sweet puppies who were breathing and looking for milk. Junie struggled with them. She just couldn't seem to grasp the idea of motherhood. Andrea would hold her head and I would put the puppies up to nurse and Junie would growl. You have to understand that Junie is just the sweetest natured dog I have ever known. I was totally shocked by her attitude to her puppies. I knew if we could get her to nurse, hormones would be released that would help her become more motherly. After a couple of days Junie seemed more relaxed and began doing her duties as a mama dog. We all breathed huge sighs of relief and got back into our regular routines, instead of taking two-hour feeding shifts with Junie. Then the unthinkable happened. Andrea had been gone for a couple of hours. Before she left she watched Junie nuzzling the puppies and felt satisfied with how things looked. When she got home Junie met her at the door acting very skittish and nervous. Andrea thought maybe she just wanted outside. When she got outside Andrea noticed blood on her legs and immediately ran to the puppies. Junie had killed the female. It was so sad. Andrea, of course, was hysterical and called me. We went right over. It was just so, so sad. I bathed Junie and Jayson cleaned up the pen. Andrea was so upset and struggled to be loving to Junie. My biggest worry is that she will not be able to overcome what Junie did and not be able to love her little dog anymore. I tell her that Junie is just confused and something just hasn't clicked in her mind to tell her how to be a mama. Andrea has already made an appointment to have her spayed.

So now we have one little boy pup that needs to eat. I have a Yorkie due any day now and we are going to try to get her to be the surrogate mom. I think she will take the puppy. But until then, Andrea and Jayson have to get up every two hours and let the little guy eat and do the same all day long. They have put in some very long days!

Well, that is the horrible story of my week. We learned a lot and I know that all will be okay. Just pray with me that Andrea will be okay with Junie and that my Yorkie will be okay with mothering a chihuahua! I will be sure to post a picture of that interesting combination!

My Girl

We are still in the "season of birthdays" in our family. Very soon my second daughter, Tara, will be turning 26 years old. Twenty-six years old. As I go back in my mind to the time in our lives when Tara joined our family of 3 it seems not so long ago. My husband was in his junior year of college and we were making plans to travel across the country to attend seminary. Our oldest daughter was only 6 months old when I very not-intentionally got pregnant again. We didn't have any money. My oldest daughter was not a very easy baby - she was quite fussy. We were resident directors in a college dorm and the students were my age - it was the class I would have graduated with if I had not quit school to get married and have babies. We didn't have any money. I was working part-time around my husband's school schedule so he could watch the baby we already had. And did I mention we didn't have any money? As ashamed as I am to say it now, I did not want this baby. It was not a good time, life was difficult, my 6 month old daughter was difficult to care for, and of course, we had no money. I spent the next few months feeling sorry for myself and I didn't enjoy my pregnancy at all. I was a brat. A real brat. In fact, when Tara was born and I held her I didn't feel the maternal love that I had felt for her older sister (who was now 15 months old)- I was still too preoccupied with thinking about me. I remember when that love came flooding over me though. Tara was 3 weeks old and suddenly I looked at her and I knew that God had a very special purpose for this child and that I would be very privileged to be her mother. I knew in that moment that I would die for her if I had to. I fell in love with my little girl. And what a wonderful little girl she was! If ever there was a model of a perfect baby - it was Tara. She just didn't cry. She played, and loved, and smiled, and grew. And oh how we loved her! She was such a good little girl. The only difficulty we had with her was her appetite - she was very picky!!! And even though she had a real independent, stubborn streak, she didn't display it very often. She had little wisps of blond hair and she was always very tiny. She loved her babies and "little things". She loved kitties. She loved roly-poly bugs. And I'm really sorry we never were able to get her that baby lamb she always wanted.

As she grew into a teen-ager she developed into the sweetest person. She developed a passion for the under privileged and felt a call upon her life to be a missionary. Everyone who knew her loved her. If ever there was a model for the perfect teen-ager - it was Tara. No tantrums, no fits, no bursts of emotion. She was always helpful and had an infectious giggle that we heard often. Most nights would find her in her room reading her Bible. She begged us to sponsor a needy child and eventually signed up to sponsor one herself. Faithfully, every month she would send in her money to feed the little girl she took care of through Compassion International. Many times she inspired and motivated me to become a better follower of Christ. It was uncommon, I think, to find such a young lady with such strong convictions.

The day came when Tara moved away from home and went to college. Our home was strangely quiet. Not because she had made a lot of noise, but because she had brought a lot of joy and the emptiness rang hollow in our hearts. We have never really gotten used to it. College brought us some challenging days. Deep questions of faith and belief made their way to the surface and we tread a lot of spiritual water. Sometimes I thought we were all going to drown. But through it all our love and admiration for this girl has never wavered. This girl has taught her mom and dad how to pray! After college graduation she took off to backpack through Europe for 2 weeks and didn't come home until 6 months later! Boy, has this girl taught us how to pray! For the last couple of years she has been working in a homeless women's shelter in a big city - we are still praying! She is soon to be moving to the other side of the country to a VERY big city to achieve one of her goals - a master's degree in social work. I think our prayer life will reach limits we never imagined!

As I shamefully remember the days when I thought I didn't want another baby so soon, I realize that God knew something I didn't know. He knew I needed you, Tara. You have done so much to make me a better person and a better Christian. You have caused me to ask myself very hard questions and dig very hard for the answers. I love you with a love that is so fierce it scares me sometimes.

And He knew that His world needs you. For you are feeding His lambs.

Some time ago, we met up for a weekend in Los Angeles and we shared a bed together in our hotel room. I woke up early that next morning and I saw you sleeping beside me. I laid my hands on you and I prayed over you for the longest time. I prayed for your future and your purpose in life. I prayed scripture over you and I had one of the most meaningful times with God that I ever have had. I thanked God over and over again for the gift of you. I thanked Him for letting me be your mama. I received a promise that morning from God about your life. I am looking forward with great anticipation to watching it come to pass. The assurance God gave me when you were three weeks old has been so very true- I AM privileged to be your mother. I love you Tara - you always have been and always will be my girl.

BOOK REVIEW- Quaker Summer by Lisa Samson

A book review for the Spring Reading Thing
Heather Curridge has it all. A handsome, rich, doctor husband, a sweet, respectful teen-age son, and a beautiful home on a lake. But it never seems to be enough. Heather finds herself being an overweight, church neglecting, critical, compulsive shopper who has begun to hear strange voices in her head asking very pointed questions. And the memories from her past begin to haunt her. Memories of the awful way she treated a classmate during her school years. But never fear. It's all nothing that a kangaroo, a nun, a drug dealer, and two old quaker spinsters can't change!
It took me a little while to get into this book but it did slowly pull me in. Lisa Samson is a talented writer and she skillfully weaves a story line within the story that all comes together at the end of the book. This novel challenges todays Christian into asking questions about the lives of privilege we lead and what our responsibilities to the under-privileged are. When is all the "stuff" we have enough, and are we doing enough to follow Jesus command to take care of the poor?
The characters are a little bit quirky, and some of their conversations seemed a little unrealistic. But the process of transformation in Heather and her family throughout the storyline was excellent. I also felt that the author tried to include too many current day issues in one story, she couldn't do them all justice. But overall I would recommend this book and I give it

You've Got to be Kidding!

**UPDATE AT BOTTOM* (no pun intended)

“I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.” Sheryl Crow

Does Ms. Crow think we all have bidet's in our bathrooms?

And wouldn't it be common sense to think that toilet paper limitations would require MUCH more energy to be used with washers, dryers, soap, and sanitizer?

and

Do we REALLY want to go here?

Just wondering

*UPDATE* Okay, it seems that Ms. Crow was just joking about this idea. Ummm.. okay...yeah - well Ms. Crow, just ask my kids - I have never appreciated bathroom humor!

Make's Me Want to Melt

This is Paisley, the little yorkie I am raising that is going to live with my sister-in-law in North Dakota. We only have her for 2 more weeks before she goes to her new home and we have fallen for her! This one will be hard to let go! She loves to snuggle and she is so soft that I can't even describe it! She sleeps in her little carrier on my nightstand every night. Her sisters and brother all left this weekend for their new homes. It is much quieter around our home today! It's always good to see these sweeties go make other people happy, but I have to admit that Paisley is a keeper!

Book Review - Chasing Francis: A Pilgrim's Tale

This book was written by Ian Morgan Cron
What caught my attention about this book in the first place were three things: One, the cover was an Italian countryside scene; two, it had a study guide in the back and I love study guides; and three, the back cover said that Chase Falcon, megachurch pastor has lost his faith, and he did it in front of his congregation. Mercy!
I found this to be a great book and caused me to have a lot of questions about myself. In fact, I have encouraged my husband to read it so we can discuss it together. (I covet his wisdom!)
Chase Falcon had run out of answers. He had built a big church and should have been enjoying the fruit of his labor, but things just weren't right. And finally, when a tragedy occurs involving a little girl in his congregation, he cannot come to terms with why God allowed this to happen. After his spiritual breakdown, his church requests that he take a sabbatical. Having no where else to go, he meets up with his uncle who sends him on a pilgrimage through Italy, following the life of St. Francis of Assisi. The descriptions of Italy are breathtaking and the reader gets a strong picture of the life and beliefs of St. Francis. Through this journey Chase falls in love with Jesus all over again and his faith is renewed even though he must make some difficult decisions in his life.
This book challenged my thinking in several areas of my life. How much am I looking inward versus outward? What did Jesus mean by helping the poor? Who are the poor? Does my church have a healthy vision for the people who sit in its pews? What does it mean to just "play church"? I have had these questions pop into my mind frequently and that usually means God is trying to speak to me. I have decided to start listening to what He is asking me - even though I know that intense soul searching is never very fun - but very worthwhile.
I really did like this book and I give it:

Who - me?

Wow - I was so blessed this morning to see that Toni from special K family bestowed upon me the Thinking Blogger Award - my very first blogging award ever!!! And it means especially alot to me because my friend Toni gave it to me. She made me laugh when she said "We are a weird combo, I think, but you DO make me think! Usually about the spiritual side of life! Thanks!!".

We probably are a weird combo but you know what? I think when we write we are exposing the deepest parts of us and there is just something about Toni's writing that connects with me. I see your heart Toni - and it's a good one! So while we do have our differences, I think we have many more similarities- such as a passion for our families and our country. I just love your open and honest approach to life - you are who you are and I like that! And you are married to a military man and how can you NOT love a military family - you are doing an incredible thing for me and my family. And your sense of humor cracks me up! I need to laugh more and you definitely make me laugh! So thank you friend Toni - I really appreciate you!

So now it has become my duty to bestow this prestigious award to 5 blogs that make me think. Wow- only five. My choices are:

Becky of The Butler's Wife. She is a teacher and I love her approach to writing. She is intellectual without being stuffy - she very creatively weaves deeper meanings into ordinary happenings. That's my favorite type of writing!

Mayhem and Miracles is a new blog I am reading. I love her style. She uses lots of words and when I finish reading her posts I feel like I have just finished a satisfying conversation.

Ashleigh at Heart & Home is a young mom who inspires me! She has so much spiritual insight for such a young woman - she is the kind of mom I hope my daughters are when they have kids.

Jennifer at Jeneric Jeneralities is always a fun read with deep thoughts. I've been a lurker on her sight for a long time - she always has something going on!

And finally, Julie at A Day in the Life of a Preacher's Wife always has a theological thought that makes me think. And she is just so kind.

So ladies, here is what you need to do:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,

3. Optional: Proudly display the “Thinking Blogger Award” with a link to the post that you wrote. (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

Well, I'm off to think some more!

Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

A couple of weeks ago as we sang this song in church the words began to stick in my mind and the meaning of them dawned upon me as tears began to flow down my face. I suddenly began to face the fact that I have fallen so short in the area of blessing the Lord. The name of the Lord is blessed and glorious and deserves to be praised and lifted up by me. Not just once in a while, but often, every day, as I walk the walk with Him. In my new found awareness I asked for and received forgiveness from Him whose name is blessed!

I continued to sing and as the words changed they began to go deeper into my soul.

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

The first part seems so easy. There is no problem in blessing the Lord when I am in the land that is plentiful and abundance is flowing. The biggest problem then is just in remembering to be thankful and bless Him. Remembering that all good things are gifts from God and not of my own doing can sometimes become an obstacle in my life. I prayed that God would remind me whenever necessary that I am not in control – He is. I also think it is a natural thing for me to draw close to the Lord when I am “in the desert” or “wilderness”. I don’t like being lonely or afraid. I naturally seek the Lord during those times – I want to be close to Him and feel His nearness. He is very blessed to me during those times. I thank Him for that! Blessed be His name!

But the words changed again.

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Oh, There's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

This is harder. Am I willing to bless His name even when bad things happen? Even when my prayers don’t seem to be answered? Even when I have done everything right and it still goes all wrong? Even when my heart is breaking and answers don’t come? Even when those I love the most have disappointed me so deeply? Can I still bless his name even during the bleakest moments of my life? Can I still bless His name when He seems so very distant and I wonder how much He really does care about all the matters in my life? “What does it mean to bless his name anyway?”, I scream from my innermost being. “What more does he want from me? What more can He take from me? When did I ever agree to suffering? Doesn’t He remember we had a pact, a deal? I would bless Him and He would give me everything good – what went wrong?” Very quietly, through my bitter tears, the thought begins to form in my mind that maybe I had it all wrong. In fact, when I think more about it I realize there had never been a “deal” at all. The bargain was in my mind.

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to stay
Well Blessed be your name

I get it! There was no bargain, no deal, no pact. God IS good even when bad things happen. It is my choice to stay with him and bless His name. How arrogant of me to think that I deserve all good and no bad. Who do I think I am anyway? I settle into a peacefulness as I realize that I don’t have all the answers, I don’t even have to have all the answers. My heart will CHOOSE to stay with the One whose name I bless. Every blessing you pour out, I will turn back to praise. Even when the blessings don’t feel like blessings, I will praise You Oh Holy One of Israel! You are my God, my salvation, my only Hope. I will choose to believe that You are working in my life always, even in the darkest moments. It is painful to let it go and bless you anyway, but I will do it..

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name!!

The Egg-y

In getting ready to write my first book review for the Spring Reading Thing, I decided to come up with my very own Robinznest award system to rate the books I have read. You know, something like the Oscar, the Grammy, or the Popcorn -that's the one our local newspaper gives for movie reviews :) . I am going to use

the Egg-y -







and it works like this: if I really love a book it will get 5 egg-y's. If a book is good but I had some problems with it; it gets 3 egg-y's. If I just plain didn't like the book (assuming that I even finish reading it, in that case) it will only get 1 egg-y. A two or four egg-y will fall somewhere in between. Well, I hope this all makes sense! Here is my first book review:

White Chocolate Moments - by Lori Wick
I just have to say it - this was not my favorite Lori Wick book. I loved the title, and the storyline sounded promising - but it was just "a little pitchy daawwg" - if you know what I mean!
It is the story of a young girl, Arcineh Bryant, whose parents are killed in a tragic accident and she goes to live with her grandfather. The conflict enters with her aunt and very spoiled rich cousin who compete for her grandfathers affections. The story is predictable, and just never really takes off. It meanders through Arcineh's life and the misunderstandings with her grandfather were so simple - it wouldn't have taken much to fix it. The reactions of the characters in the book were a bit dramatic - it just wasn't believable. I found myself constantly checking to see how many pages were left before I could be done. It just doesn't stand up to Lori Wick's other works - doesn't even come close to Sophie's Heart . I won't give the ending away (not that you wouldn't guess it) but suffice it to say, it is very weak and disappointing. I'm so sorry to start my spring reading book reviews out this way, but this book only gets:

and I think I am being generous.

Pray for Heather

Go here to Especially Heather and read how an incredible woman with an incredible faith deals with an unthinkable situation. And please pray for Heather and her family.

Real Mama's

Becky at The Butler's Wife tagged everyone to play this game! I have loved reading everyone's responses - they have been so touching and beautiful. So here is my list:

Real mama’s:

Don’t try to live their lives vicariously through their children

Don’t try to be their child’s best friend. They know their kids will have LOTS of friends, but they will only have ONE mama.

Provide a home that is a haven from the world outside, a place to feel safe and loved and warm and special.

Are their children’s biggest source of encouragement

Hold their kiddo’s accountable for when they do wrong

Enjoy being in their children’s presence

Don’t say, “Wait till your dad gets home”

Hold back from protecting their children from everything – they know that some things are only learned the hard way.

Love and respect their husbands in front of their children

Talk with God A LOT

Know when to let go and trust that God will bless the job you have done

Thank God always for the wonderful, beautiful, incredible, breath-taking privilege of being a MAMA!

So now, if you are a mama, I am tagging, YOU!

Spring Reading Thing 2007

One of my favorite things to do is read, so when I found this Spring Reading Thing 2007 reading contest, I couldn't wait to compile my list of books that I intend to read this spring. Here is my list:

Non-fiction
Melt Down - Patrick J. Michaels
I want to read this book to help me understand the whole global warming argument. I have read some on the other point of view too. I know what I think, but I want to learn more to substantiate what I already feel.

Second Calling - Dale Hanson Bourke
I love, love, love this author. She wrote some incredible devotional thought books on child rearing and when I was a young mom I really connected with her. This book is focusing on how empty-nest moms can have purpose with the next part of their lives.

Stronger Than You Think - Kim Eckert
I don't know anything about this author but the subtitle of the book is Becoming Whole Without Having to be Perfect. That yelled at me!

The Trouble With Islam Today - Irshad Manji
I heard this lady interviewed on tv and she impressed me so much I ordered her book. She talks about how mainstream Islamists do not agree with radical Islam and she says that the mainstream Islamists are the only ones who can stop the radical movement in regard to terrorism and treatment of women. I look forward to reading this one.

Fiction

Chasing Francis - Ian Morgan Cron
This is the story of a pastor with burn-out. He comes close to losing his faith until he takes a pilgrimage to Italy following the ministry of St. Francis of Assisi.

White Chocolate Moments - Lori Wick

Beach House - Sally John

Quaker Summer - Lisa Samson

Freefall- Kristen Heitzmann

Yada Yada Prayer Group Gets Rolling - Neta Jackson
I love this series and this author!

Now, when I am going to get these books read is another topic!

Circus Circus and the Crucifixion

When my two older girls were five and six, we embarked on a family vacation to Disneyland. The distance we had to drive was far and the route indicated that Las Vegas would be a natural stopping place for the night. Having two little girls with us, we made the decision to stop at Circus Circus hoping that little eyes wouldn't be exposed to too many forms of "adult" entertainment. We pulled into the parking lot when suddenly I heard my five year old, Tara, break into sobs in the back seat. "I don't want to go here, I don't want to go here" she emphatically cried. After several minutes of trying to discover what the problem was, Tara told us that she didn't want to go here because as she said, "This is where they hung Jesus on the cross!" My husband and I looked at each other bewildered as to why in the world she would think this. Finally we were able to calm her down and discover the reason for her alarm. We assured her that Jesus was not hung on the cross here, that had happened long ago in a faraway place.
"Tara, honey, why do you think Jesus was killed here?"
"Because, mommy, you said they gambled for his clothes".

Ah...the innocence of a child.

Hurricane Jess

This week marks an important milestone in our family's life. Our youngest child will be turning 17 years old and it leaves us breathless as we consider how quickly the years have flown by.

Even though we had three children and one in heaven, I knew my family wasn't complete. It just felt like there was someone missing. Someone who was supposed to be there who wasn't. I felt that feeling strongly. And then Jessica arrived. And as I held her wet, warm, squalling little body I knew we were complete. She arrived quickly. I was anticipating a long, long labor like the ones I experienced with her sisters before her. But she surprised me. And she surprised the nurse and doctor. One second I was dilated to 6 and then she was straining and pushing her way into the world, before any of us were prepared. I was relaxing in the hot tub, trying to deal with the labor pains, and suddenly I told the nurse the baby was coming NOW! The nurse tried to assure me it couldn't possibly be but when she looked into the water there was no denying that the world would soon be reckoning with a force we fondly nicknamed Hurricane Jess. It was only natural that Jess blew her way into the world because she has been a strong, steady, gale ever since!
I remember her wild, curly, uncontrollable hair that went in a thousand different directions. The only thing consistent about it was the long curl that hung down her forehead. She cried a lot, and I do mean a lot, and only ever wanted her mama. No one else would do. She hated being in the car seat and really was and still is a homebody. She loved her "soft" pants - no zipper or button please, and the seams of her socks had to be perfectly aligned with her little toes at every moment! And her little stuffed friend, Puffy, who started out a bunny and ended up an indescribable, indiscernible lump of cotton and fabric, went absolutely everywhere with her.

Starting school was not fun. Her daddy would take her and most mornings bring her back home with him. Mama would have to take her back, crying and kicking. Looking back I wish I would have waited until she was ready, or tried homeschooling, but those thoughts didn't occur to me then. All 5 year olds went to school and that was that. School still isn't her favorite thing!

As a little girl, Jess always had a strong conviction of right and wrong, to the point to tattling on herself! She does not tolerate injustice to the lesser privileged and always befriends those who are lonely. She never fails to say thank you - even for the ordinary everyday things like a meal! She still likes to be home and the thought of going to live in the dorm at college unnerves her more than she wants to admit. She loves movies and shopping, her dog Buddy, and spending time with her aunts who are more like sisters and her sisters who are more like friends.

As her dad and I are preparing ourselves for the day when the winds are still and the hollowness in our lives holds only the memories of the days that a hurricane force blew through our home, we are so proud and thankful and happy that Jess is ours. In spite of us, God grew her into a beautiful young lady and we are anxious to see what His plans are for her future. When she was a baby we received her as a gift from God and we offered her back to Him to be used to His glory. We have not been disappointed. As you step into the future Jess, always seek His will and follow His plan and you won't be disappointed either.

Happy Birthday honey!

This article is my submission to the blog challenge sponsored by Art Bookbindery, "Empowering Writers to Self Publish."

Black and White

I am definitely a black and white person. I love practicality. For me it has always been easy to know (notice I said KNOW and not DO) the difference between right and wrong. I like it that way - no grey areas in my life. Either do it or don't do it. Say it or don't say it. Think it or don't think it. You know, choose to do what is right. I have always thought of it as a gift. Lately though, I have been realizing that being so pragmatic can have a downside too. For instance, when you are such a black and white person and you are dealing with people who tend to be more of an abstract thinker type, there can be problems. I can find myself becoming impatient with my more theoretical friends as they take all kinds of time to reason all the different angles of a situation out. "For crying out loud, you know you will come to the same conclusion as me eventually, so let's get on with it!" I want to shout. Also, I fear that my realistic approach to life can appear to be arrogant and maybe a bit pompous to others who like to think things through. And it disturbs me a little bit, well, okay, more than a little bit to know that some definitions of pragmatic include hard-headed and hard-nosed. Surely, people don't see ME that way! Another negative aspect to being such a black and white person is that I can tend to make impulsive decisions. Not that it's always a bad thing - it saves me alot of time, but maybe once in a while it would be a better idea to think things through a little bit.
I don't know - this is all causing me to spend more time than I like to think hard about something! But I am coming to realize that I need to sort this out. I don't want to be a hard head! I want to be patient and gentle and kind and loving. I think you can be a black and white person and still have these qualities but I probably have to work harder at it then my more conceptual counterparts. So the question remains: Am I a



or a

Practicing Video with Paisley

I know, I'm shameless! I just love this little puppy! I am trying to figure out how to post with video, so this is my first attempt. Just click on the box to the left and see the cutest little most willfull puppy ever!

Puppy Love

Isn't she just the sweetest? Her name is going to be Paisley and she is going to be living with my brother and sister-in-law! I'm so glad because she is my favorite out of this litter and it will be fun for me to watch her grow! She is so tiny and so very, very fiesty!

Teenagers!

One would think that since one has already, somewhat successfully, raised 3 teenage daughters that the fourth one would be a snap. You might think that after going through three rounds of pms, boyfriend problems, girlfriend problems, joys, heartaches, disobedience, happiness, proms, graduations, and college that perhaps I could write a book on how to raise the perfect child. Not so. As in every other area of child rearing - children are all different, with very different personalities and struggles unique to themselves. Typically daughter #4 and I get along very well but every once in a while (like this week, for instance) every little thing blows up into huge, monumental events and us two women resemble a couple of mountain goats going at it, butting heads. Just when you THINK you have a handle on being the parent, some big, new, and earth-shaking crisis unfolds and you find yourself running back to the bookshelves to see what good old Dr. Dobson recommends for this particular instance. I have decided that I have absolutely no parenting advice. I know nothing. Don't ask me what works and what doesn't because I simply do not know. The best advice I guess I ever heard was "just get them through it".
My Bible reading this morning was in James chapter 1. It opened by saying that I should count it all joy when I face trials and persecutions. Yikes! What was James thinking by starting his book with THAT? Anyone in their right mind would close that book and find another one! But I didn't, I kept reading. And I read that every trial would teach me something, something that I need to know. I will learn perseverance, and only then will I become mature and complete. Then the next verse told me that if I need wisdom I only need to ask for it and believe that God will give it to me. Thank you Lord. I DO need Your wisdom. I don't want to attempt being a mother without You. I want to grow mature and complete in You.
I am so thankful for God's Word - it is so alive and fresh and applicable to everyday life. I am also thankful for a Christian husband who can somehow place himself inbetween two hormonal women and look good to both sides! I will be spending some quality time praying and seeking wisdom in how to handle this latest moment of teenage angst. Come to think of it, I remember doing this alot with the first three!

My Test

Remember that Theology test? I GOT A 96!!!!!!

Simple Things

I have been thinking recently of how it is the simple things in my life that bring me so much contentment, joy, and even happiness. Here is a short list of some of the simple things in my life:

*My husband brings me coffee in bed every morning except Sunday, that's the day I bring it to him. That is such a special time and when we are apart I really miss it.

*Praise from a loved one. My daughter left me a voicemail this week telling me she was proud of me and that I had done a good job on an event I planned. My heart still wells up when I think of it - I love making my family proud of me.

*The joy of reading a good book! I love when I find a book that I don't want to end. When I am done it is almost like waking up from a delicious dream!

*Watching home videos of when either you or your kids were younger! It just whips me back in time and isn't it amazing how time seems to erase all the bad and ugly feelings and leaves us with just the good memories?

*Any time at all spent in my sewing room!

*Having an afternoon free - with no plans!

*Saturday mornings, when I can putter around my home, clean, bake, and do all the things I long to do during the work week.

*Hearing a song that takes me back to a happy memory.

*Watching my husband work with his horses - it gives him so much joy. It is good to see a hard-working man relax and have fun. He looks really sexy too!

*Observing my married daughters adjust to sharing their lives with the men they love.

*Doing something nice for a good friend.

*Treating myself to a fat-free sugar-free caramel latte - something I don't do very often because it is hard to justify the cost.

*Pulling weeds! Yes, I really said that - pulling weeds. I love gardening and pulling weeds gives me time to think and pray and put my flowerbeds in order. It feels so good when I am done and I solve all the worlds problems during the process!

*Blogging has become a simple joy to me as well! I love "meeting" new people and keeping a journal of my thoughts and experiences.

*Reading along in my Bible when something just jumps off the page and I just KNOW it is a message to me from my God!

I'm very thankful for the simple things in my life - things I don't have to plan or work for - they just occur because of someone else's thoughtfulness or just because I take the time to notice them.

And, oh yeah, here is a picture of another simple joy:

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I found this over at Nan's blog. It is pretty interesting me and described me pretty closely, although it got some things wrong - I am NOT fearless. I'm afraid of flying, heights, snakes, lizards, failure, disappointing people, not doing a good enough job, etc. But it's interesting how just choosing some photos can tell so much about a person!
I always hate taking self-surveys because they frustrate me so much. I can take them for other people and it seems easy but when I am choosing how to describe myself it seems like I can see myself in almost every answer I have to choose from. Does anyone else feel like that? When I see a personality test coming my way I usually run far the other direction!

Puppy Update

The little buggers have opened their eyes - it's so nice to meet them after they were in the dark for so long!

This little one is getting weighed - she has doubled her weight in two weeks! She is up to 8 ounces now.




So far the mama dog does all the work but in the next two weeks all of that will change and it will become MAJOR work to keep them fed and clean. So far, two of them are spoken for. It's always bittersweet when they go to their new homes - I am ready to be done with the work but I always miss their sweet little personalities. We have learned to not become too attached.

I Think I'm Too Old For This!

I work at a university, not because I WANT to, but kind of because I HAVE to. I would much rather stay home, but that's a topic for another time. I have worked here for several years and never taken advantage of the fact that I can take classes for free. One day, after feeling so sorry for myself because I have to work outside the home and I can't stay home and be a mom, wife, and pastor's wife, I decided to buck up and make the best of my situation. I then decided that I was going to take some classes. Without giving it much more thought than that I signed up for Intro to Theology. What was I thinking???
My first day of class was very humbling. As I looked around me I realized that I was definitely the OLDEST person in the room, including the professor! As I felt the comings on of a hotflash I contemplated on the fact that not one person in that room knew what I was feeling. It took me several days to work through this. As I sit in class I labor intensively writing down every word the professor says with my Pentel fine point pen and my new paper notebook purchased especially for this class. All the other students have fancy little notebook laptops in colorful cases that they take notes on. Their computer desktops all have pictures of themselves with their boyfriends or girlfriends in various activities. Actually, from where I sit they aren't taking too many notes but they are playing an awful lot of solitaire and writing emails. Instant messenger pops up alot too!
The next awkward moment came with my first paper I had to write. We were instructed to write it in MLM style. What the heck is that? Thank goodness for my 16 year old daughter - she knew all about it and even gave me a handout with more rules and regulations for MLM style paperwriting then I will ever care to know. She never even told anybody (thank you honey!)
Today was my first test. I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up for sure. The students around me didn't seem to nervous. In fact, they said things like, "If I flunk this I will just do some extra credit." I can't imagine! I have studied for 3 entire days and nights and memorized pages and pages of information. Today my daughter even asked me if I was studying in the shower. "Yes, how did you know?"
"Because I heard you."
"You mean I was talking out loud???" She just laughed at me. Well, I took the test. I think I did okay - at least it didn't seem too hard. I was probably one of the last 5 or 6 in the room. I won't get the results back for a while yet so I will continue to eat my fingernails for the next few days. I am so glad it's behind me though - I am longing to spend just a little bit of time in my sewing room this weekend!
Yep, I think I'm much too old for all this stress!